Kicking metaphors

Wally V has proven to be quite the kicker so far. We haven’t gotten on a regular kicking schedule yet, but we’re getting there. And if what my doctor says is true—that babies establish their sleeping patterns before birth—I am going to be up with the paper boy, birds, and my grandma and grandpa while the rest of you jamokes are in your peaceful slumbers. Wally V loves to wake up around 4 or 5. I’ll roll over, get comfortable, and without fail he starts his morning Tai Bo. It lasts about an hour, and these are big, arms in the air, balance on one leg, Karate Kid style whacks. Good morning!

People who haven’t been pregnant have asked me what the kicking feels like. So I’ve given it a lot of thought, since, “It feels like there’s a little guy in there and he’s kicking” doesn’t quite describe it.

So far, I’ve experienced kicks of 3 varieties:

  1. The little, 16 weeks along kicks. I’ve described before that at this point I’d been waiting. People had told me it feels like gas, so I never knew if what I was feeling was gas or my little guy. Until one day, out of the blue, I felt it. And knew. These three little feelings were kicks. These cute little tiny little movements felt like a muscle twitch. Like when you’ve just been for a long walk or run and your thighs start popping when you’re resting. Distinct, pops at the bottom of your belly.
  2. The medium, I’m-in-here-dude kicks. These feel like a 6 inch tall Gumby is hanging out in your belly. Between him and your belly button is a 3 inch foam pad made out of the stuff a Tempur-pedic mattress is made out of. Extremely durable. And he’s decided to have a little boxing workout on the foam pad. He punches it pretty hard, for Gumby, but because of the foam pad there’s no pain. It can be anywhere in the belly area, but usually this is in the same spot over and again, at least a few times.
  3. The hardest, I-mean-business kicks. These can come on their own, or they can be a grand finale to the medium kicks. These kicks are so hard, they are visible to the naked eye from miles away*. (*Untested theory. The furthest distance seen to date is across the couch. But still. They are huge.) They are so hard, they have been known to wake one deep-sleeping mommy up from a midnight slumber. These kicks feel like Gumby got bored with using the foam pad as a punching bag and instead decided to get out his catapult and launch unripe apples at it from a short distance away to see what happens. He’s quite the little warrior!

I love the kicks. I hate, though, when you want to feel the kick, so I let you know he’s started up, and he shies away as soon as your hand is there. I feel like the mom who’s kid has a great voice and sings to himself all the time, but when asked to perform for an audience he runs into the other room. I want to explain, he really can kick, I swear! But I know that you already know, so all we can do is sit, and wait, with your hand on my belly. And hope little Gumby starts up again.

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4 Responses to “Kicking metaphors”


  1. 1 Megan July 15, 2009 at 12:10 am

    Aww! I miss the kicking. There are a lot of other things about pregnancy I don’t miss, but this I do miss. I was in the hospital for most of the last 3 months of my pregnancy and had to be on the monitors several times a day. Every time they put on Lincoln’s monitor, he would kick/punch the crap out of it for a minute or two (which made it hard for the nurses to hone in on his heartbeat). It was so cute!

  2. 2 Auntie Liz July 15, 2009 at 9:11 am

    What are you doing on Saturday? Can we sit there with my hand on your belly all day long? I love his gumby kicks. And I love the thought that my little nephew is hanging out in your belly saying “Hey Auntie Liz! I can’t wait to meet you! And kick you without this foam mattress pad blocking my little teeny tiny feetsies!”

  3. 3 Kendra July 15, 2009 at 7:01 pm

    I hate when I tell people, “quick, put your hand here, the baby’s kicking really hard.” And without fail, nothing. Then the person moves their hand and , WHAMO, the baby kicks right where their hand was. It never fails. People don’t even think I’m pregnant. They think I’m making things up and gaining weight in weird places.

  4. 4 Coach July 17, 2009 at 9:16 pm

    Back in the day and I emphasize, Back in the day, Wally 5’s Dad could kick a soccer ball like a missle and perhaps the little man has got a few kicking genes passed down or maybe he’s just got “Happy Feet” and loves to dance for joy just like Grandpa Wally 3 who is known far and wide for his amazing dancing skills.


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