You know you’re pregnant when…

Since we’re in the home stretch of being pregnant (due this month? Wa wa what?), it’s time to play a game called, you know you’re pregnant when…

I’m sure my experiences don’t speak for all pregnant women, but I would be surprised if I couldn’t find someone who agrees with a few of these! Here goes. You know you’re pregnant when:

  • You hear “You’re huge!” and “You’re so small!” within hours of each other. Rarely, although it happens, “You’re just right!”
  • You have answered all the basic questions so many times, you have every detail of how you tell the answer down pat. October 30! Boy! My husband is Walter Ben Ottenhoff the Fourth, so this is Walter Ben Ottenhoff the Fifth! No. Yes! Yes. Uh huh! (Just kidding, I don’t know what those last 4 questions were.)
  • Your belly becomes fodder for metaphors: basketball, bowling ball, balloon, torpedo. Actually, not just your belly…your entire ensemble for clothes you can still manage to wear. I wore a dress to work and was compared to a lampshade. All of these metaphors are okay, though, and actually extremely funny to you as well, because you have caught your reflection in a window when you weren’t expecting it and you thought, Man, that girl is so pregnant! It’s like your body is so foreign that it’s not even a part of who you are anymore.
  • You consider sometimes being pregnant forever, just because you have become so liked by strangers. As soon as your bump is obviously more than a few too many late-night gallons of ice cream and looks like a baby, everyone smiles at you, chats you up, and holds doors for you. Cashiers give you discounts you don’t have coupons for. Servers keep your drinks extra-full. And people whose parking spot you steal (it was an accident, I swear!) make mean faces at you until you get out of the car and they see your irresistible belly. Then they smile, wave, and move on.

You know you’re REALLY pregnant when:

  • You vaccuum a floor of your house and are sweating like you just completed your first marathon.
  • You are used to your belly being pushed and stretched from the inside. You look forward to it. When you are in a room full of people and it happens, you enjoy it as your secret between the baby and you. His reminder that he’s there, and your life is about to change.
  • You have to pee every time you stand up. In fact, sometimes you sneeze or laugh to hard, and a little bit just comes out. You would like to think your water just broke, but no. You and your baby have something in common: you are an excellent candidate for newborn diapers as well.
  • Rolling over at night has become a great feat. You are laying on one side and wake up because your arm is numb. You actually consider how much longer it may take before your arm is asleep so long that it falls off. If that timing is “any minute now,” you consider how valuable said arm is to you vs. having to huff, puff, and heave your big belly around so you are laying on your other side. (Note, I’ve always chosen to keep the arm, but I still have one more month of baby growth to go.)

3 Responses to “You know you’re pregnant when…”

  1. 1 Kendra October 1, 2009 at 8:05 pm

    – When you pick everything up with your toes.

    – When you’ve done a load of laundry without actually putting the clothes into the machine.

    – When you get stuck trying to squeeze behind a chair at a restaurant, and can’t believe you don’t fit!

    – When you take heartburn medicine every night (and most mornings)

    – When you’ve forgotten your purse multiple times in one day.

    – When strangers touch you without permission, and think it’s ok.

    – When there are two pink lines on that stick you just peed on!

  2. 2 coach October 1, 2009 at 10:39 pm

    Oh no, I laughed so hard at “a little bit comes out” that a little bit came out and I’m not pregnant. And then I was picturing you rolling around in bed and I laughed some more and some more came out. I quit reading.

  3. 3 gloria October 3, 2009 at 10:21 am

    -When you pick things up with your toes(by the way I still do), Kendra that was my first thought too! Hence one of my favorite expressions, “Thank God for toes!”

    -You know you’re pregnant when you fill your bathtub with 2 inches of water because you know the water level will raise to the top once you get in!

    -I also remember not being able to get out of that tub and sloshing around like a beached whale until my husband rescued me! I was pregnant with Jessica.

    -when your belly button sticks out so far it looks like your thumb!

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